my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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