she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
