At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Randomize
