Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
