what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
My life is pants optional.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
