I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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