I saw his package. It spoke to me.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
