I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
