I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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