you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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