you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
