my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
