remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
