So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
you win again, gameday.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
