I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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