I think i sorta joined a cult last night
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
