spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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