She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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