Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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