Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
