We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
