Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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