The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
