He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
