I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
