mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Randomize
