I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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