i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
