Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
