What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I just want nice things and good sex
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
