Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Randomize
