I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Randomize
