I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
