ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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