you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
