I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
