i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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