i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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