How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
