I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
