My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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