In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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