he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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