She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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