Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Randomize
