My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
