No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
