I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
