My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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