So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
