Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
