Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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